Stress, Stress, and More Stress

In the next 24-48 hours I will forward along my revised dissertation proposal to committee members for approval. The reality is that I expect three of the four members to sign off but Lucifer is a wild card. I have no idea if he'll be reasonable or continue being a creep about all of this. I can't make the summer deadline now no matter what but I want to get this project moving so that even if I can't technically graduate until Fall 2012, I'll be done by next summer.

I'm so stressed over this. I'm not sleeping restfully and have a knot in my stomach. If Lucifer refuses to sign off, I have no idea what my next step will be. Obviously I'll have to change my dissertation to meet his arbitrary whims but I'm resisting that because this is my project, I believe in it, it is novel and my other committee members are fine with it. I despise this man for making my life hell.

Then, there is my job, which in theory I love. It is great work. However, I'm getting yanked around in terms of money. I volunteered there for about a year and they started paying me an hourly rate a couple of months ago that is insulting given my education and experience. However, I really didn't have any bargaining power because I was working for zero dollars before.

The deal was always to make me full time with more money and benefits but it's not looking promising and even if it could happen, I'm not sure I'd want that now. I'm having second thoughts because some petty nonsense has happened around there in the last few months that makes me think I'd be better off leaving things the way they are for the time being.

The office administrators treat the three of us in professional positions (with advanced degrees and experience) as though we are glorified secretaries. That doesn't sit well with me because I feel I've attained a certain status in terms of my education and experience that warrants treating me as a colleague rather than a subordinate. It's unlikely that they will change so it will be up to me to modify my approach.

Let's see what happens...